Love Rules in Japan

Finally, the spring is asserting itself, the Japanese freshmen gaidaisei (Kansai Gaidai University students) are occupying campus and CIE (Centre for International Education’s lounge), and the local shops have started selling sun-protecting hats and gloves…

So, one day I found myself sitting in the Japanese-styled garden on campus, observing Japanese couples billing and cooing now and then – and I asked myself what’s the difference in building love relationships between Japanese and Western attitudes?

The same day by mere chance my new project for the speaking Japanese class happened to be a real survey, we should make among 15-20 young Japanese students and present in front of other gaikokujin (foreign students) classmates.

Thus, my topic has been made up: “若い日本人のデート習慣“(“The Dating Habits of the Young Japanese”).

Where would they meet a partner-to-be in Japan? How do they usually express their affection? Would they consider their parents’ opinions about their complementary half? What is “cheating” for them? Those and other questions were asked to 18 students – both 9 men and 9 women. And here we go – let’s make conclusions together.

 

Vegetarians and of their ilk…

borrowed from: http://matome.naver.jp/odai/2129343674521498001/2129344335621625403

It’s quite well-known that they have two main types of daters in Japan – “vegetarians” and “meat-eaters”. If the first ones are shy, reserved, not able to hunt on a partner-to-be, then, consequently, those of the meat-eaters ilk are very enthusiastic, but at times noisy, fussy and annoying. So, as we see, both types clearly leave much to be desired. And the answers of my interviewees happened to be 50/50%: about 80% of girls identify themselves with vegetarians and 86% of guys – meat-eaters respectively. Here my courteous readers might think that the survey of mine is not interesting at all, but let’s not hurry with conclusions and be patient – what if my Japanese interviewees would lie to us first? Let’s see…

Where to find a Japanese love to live happily-ever after?

Oh, well… To start talking about the way Japanese people deal with their complementary halves, we need to find a subject of our affection, right? According to my 18 Japanese girl-friends, you may meet Him while walking along the street, or at some of your common friends’ parties (per 10% - each), but most likely – in your Kansai Gaidai or wherever you study (over 50%). As for our claiming themselves肉食系 (meat-eaters) guys – the circle of choice comes to nothing else but school acquaintances (78%) and sometimes – karaoke and party in big companies (about 10% each). 

Thus, our conclusion #1: don’t expect from most Japanese guys to come in to a girl on the street or at the place, which is not overcrowded with your common friends.

How to express romantic feelings overflowed my heart, in Japan?

So, having succeeded (about to fall apart) in meeting our destiny, we should show how much we are glad to be together, right? By what means do they do it in Japan? My 6 Japanese male interviewees out of 9 found out that the easiest way to make their promised fiancées happy is to take them to some interesting place. And here, we, spoilt by Hollywood housewives movies would admire Japanese men being so romantic (Osaka sky-building, neko (full of kawaii cats)-café, USJ (Osaka’s Disneyland-like), etc.)… 

But here I have to disappoint you – no flowers, no poems, no gifts without reasons, according to my Japanese female-friends. Actually, there is nothing to be surprised of, for there is nothing like Western knight culture of conquering a lady in Japan – so where would the romantic courtship tradition appear from? As for girls, 5 from 9 would make some obento (lunch-box) or “His favourite okashi (sweets)”, although there was one nice guy who would make onigiri (rice balls) for his girlfriend as wellJ. This girls’ answer could be explained very clearly too – Japanese culture dictates that a woman needs to cook, take care of a husband and kids and generally learn how to be a good housewife from a very young age.

 Conclusion #2:

be ready to meet a real samurai, so being a real geisha is strongly recommended

Do you listen to your parents’ opinion about the girl/guy, you’ve chosen in Japan?

The world today is globalized enough for such questions to be answered the same way in any country, you would guess, yawning and closing this page… But again no! Japan is not “topsy-turvy”, of course, but even my tiny research managed to show some striking difference. So, according to it, while girls would not talk (and actually listen) to their parents (and may be elder siblings as well?) that much (only 3 women of 9), 6 men out of our 9 super aggressive meat-eaters do depend on their elders’ opinion.

 Conclusion # 3:

study the concept “amae” (to indulge kids, esp. men) (Doi, Nakamura) so that to understand this tight connection between parents and children in Japan, and you might find out the real origin of 菜食系 (vegetarians) men, who are springing up all over…  

What is “cheating” for enamoured youngsters in Japan?

borrowed from: http://ameblo.jp/chikurappo2/theme-10010846775.html

 The question of “cheating” and “being jealous” might be seen as a very interesting issue, especially, if studied along with the different views on touching in Asian and Western cultures. Anyways, without dipping so deeply, we’ve got 3 finalists, real meat-eater – who wouldn’t let their halves even just go out without them. Other 6 guys wouldn’t tolerate their lovers hugging and kissing someone else. As for the girls – there is only one very jealous lady, who considers just going out as cheating and wouldn’t give her partner enough space…

それにしても、concluding our survey, we have to admit that (although male representatives of Japanese society want to be seen as strong and independent samurai-like肉食系(meat-eaters), the modern reality demonstrates the opposite – a growing number of 菜食系…                                    

Just to clear the issue up, this tendency might be connected with the rising number of strong women as well – even “dorama” (usually romantic Asian series) do kind of propaganda of a Western-like business lady or an independent in terms of relationships woman type. 

The Japanese language gave birth to a lot of new words, supporting women’s “fighting-for-equal-rights-spirit” in the nowadays Rising Sun society:

otenba – in English “tomboy”, generally applies to healthy and active young girls; or, otoko-masari – a woman who is superior to men physically, spiritually, and intellectually…

  

Observing this whole situation with switching gender roles in Japanese society, we, Westerners might be thrown into the depth of despair for both – Japanese males and females, but what would the Japanese representatives say themselves? Personally, I am not sure that the country with a long tradition of careful treating everyone around would be very happy to raise a new generation to be so manly, aggressive, selfish and arrogant, as we are pretty often. So, may be it’s not so much of a problem to be loyal, quiet, obedient and nice? 

borrowed from: http://www.cinematoday.jp/page/N0012262

取りあえず、十人十色^^

Used and Recommended Resources:
1) the film "Japanese Tradition: Dating" (4 parts, downloaded from YouTube)

2) very interesting book - "The Japanese Mind", Rojer J. Davies, Osamu Ikeno (sold in KG campus bookstore, about 2000 yen, worth it :)